In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
MIDGETS
????
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
