Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
