that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
