dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
