He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
