also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
