She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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