Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
