If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
