i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize