you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
