i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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