Having a random hookup so left but love u
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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