he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
