Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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