I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize