GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
