Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
