The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
