8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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