Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
