do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
