She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
