I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
