my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My feet surprised me
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