margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I touched a dick in church today
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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