No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
