I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize