woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
