You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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