I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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