Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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