Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
