drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
babies were throwing up all over the place
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize