Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i need some magic done to my vagina
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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