I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
