upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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