so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize