Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
