Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
