Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
