We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
