Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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