Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
