Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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