felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize