He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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