Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
