Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
