I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
