ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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