Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we should paint friendship bongs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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