True but thats because hes a fetus.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
