I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
