I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
