Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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