I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
