I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
