what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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