It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
