Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
