I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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