and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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