So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
