UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
