my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
