you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
