Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
