Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
