He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
