Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
