if i can run in heels then i can drive
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
