i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
