shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
