just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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