a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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