My hand turned me down
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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