i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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