Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
