i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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