Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
