I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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