shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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