Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
