Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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