I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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