My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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