He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
