brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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