I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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