I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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