Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
