WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
