come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
