from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
