You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
