Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
