VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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