Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
