he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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