I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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